Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Time Out

I started the Love Dare yesterday. I can say anything I want about my husband on here and he'll never find out. The man calls the internet, 'The Google.' Or, 'the devil.' It depends on the day. Anyway, Monday night, we were praying before bed, and I prayed that God would help me to love better and be slow to anger. So then yesterday, Tuesday, my Love Dare was to not say anything negative to my husband. At first, it was not so bad. I definitely found myself holding my tongue and actually thinking through what I was about to say. (and then I would think to myself, who says stuff like this or why do I think it's okay to say this???)

Then a little situation creeped up. One of those 'old, familiar' situations, where I was [mentally/emotionally] taken right back to those old, familiar feelings of bubbling anger, a tightened chest, and angst. Oh, and rage. This situation was nothing that Dave did, but one of those things that I react to by taking it out on Dave. Very unfair, I realize. As I felt the anger bubbling, I was reminded of my prayer to be slow to anger and quick to love. I was also reminded of one of the verses from my Love Dare: "See that no one repays evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and all people." 1 Thessalonians 5:15

I really want to call TIME OUT to God, throw a temper tantrum, and tell Him to leave me alone. Can't you just imagine the [stupid/waste of time] conversation:
me: God, seriously, LEAVE ME ALONE
God: but you asked me to help you be slow to anger
me: well I didn't mean it this way!
God: too bad

Yeah, that would be a great use of my time and energy. As much as it hurts to grow -- and my chest still does hurt, it's tight and feels funny to is good to know that God cares. God cares enough to throw a stone in my path and see how I responds. It's good to know that He does not waste my time with something different, but uses the same old thing, and takes me right back to the last time we dealt with this. He always picks up where He left off, doesn't He? He doesn't ever forget....because He cares.